Restlessness #4
My mind, at the moment as I write is under the influence of sedative tablets which I am taking to fight infection in my lungs-some serious dust allergies- and I am forcing myself to write because I do not want to let the day's happening destroy my efforts, for once when I am trying to organize myself more.
The medicines, at this time have proven to be very helpful. Not that they are actually helping me recover fast. No, not at all. My cough is as ugly as it was the day one. But they've been helpful in regard to make my mind numb and for some time making it free.
Most importantly making it free of all the fears I have....
Hopes, that I have the least are shinning inside like one or two fireflies in the deep darkness, flying here and there, gleaming their feeblest glow and for the first time in ages, I'm glad they're there. Perhaps my solitude has prevailed for long that being acquainted is all what matters to me.
Not definitely thinking of how, when, where, what is to be 'ahead'. Thinking of it won't help, I know. Not that I ever fail to keep my mind off of this thought ... but thanks to my medicines...
Normally, when I write it is like half of myself fast asleep waiting for a kiss of certainty, assurance, trust, protection. While the other half is struggling without any armour or sword in unknown battlefields. The war isn't mine, it has never been mine but from all the indirect influences, the effects on my life are great and I'm trying to stand strong against all of it. So, normally writing is in this state. Therefore the posts are depressing and gloomy. As I have mentioned before it is my escape and refuge. But at the moment writing is just blankly putting my immediate thoughts on paper. Not knowing the flow, just letting the pen tip slide and make letters on paper. The script, the wavy pattern I recognize is mine, the way I write. The words............. are perhaps from deep inside or from which of those shattered parts of me... I do not know.
The medicines, at this time have proven to be very helpful. Not that they are actually helping me recover fast. No, not at all. My cough is as ugly as it was the day one. But they've been helpful in regard to make my mind numb and for some time making it free.
Most importantly making it free of all the fears I have....
Hopes, that I have the least are shinning inside like one or two fireflies in the deep darkness, flying here and there, gleaming their feeblest glow and for the first time in ages, I'm glad they're there. Perhaps my solitude has prevailed for long that being acquainted is all what matters to me.
Not definitely thinking of how, when, where, what is to be 'ahead'. Thinking of it won't help, I know. Not that I ever fail to keep my mind off of this thought ... but thanks to my medicines...
Normally, when I write it is like half of myself fast asleep waiting for a kiss of certainty, assurance, trust, protection. While the other half is struggling without any armour or sword in unknown battlefields. The war isn't mine, it has never been mine but from all the indirect influences, the effects on my life are great and I'm trying to stand strong against all of it. So, normally writing is in this state. Therefore the posts are depressing and gloomy. As I have mentioned before it is my escape and refuge. But at the moment writing is just blankly putting my immediate thoughts on paper. Not knowing the flow, just letting the pen tip slide and make letters on paper. The script, the wavy pattern I recognize is mine, the way I write. The words............. are perhaps from deep inside or from which of those shattered parts of me... I do not know.
First things first. Loved how you wrote it. You were able to portray that drunkness from the pills, it seeped in. It shows, how you gather thoughts one after the other and string them together yet they are all incomplete snippets from different stories. I know how that feels, I once wrote a piece half drunk on sleep. Everyone liked it a lot. :P
ReplyDeleteIt's like being high but on the low side.
Also, this is sad, I never get that peaceful state from medicines.
I see, my dearie thinks a lot!
ReplyDeleteDo not worry why and how things are getting change..
Let them! You be relaxed and stress free.
I'm worried about your health dear.. Get well soon very soon..!
Drink boiled water and take medicines on time..
Token of precious words for you- ''Whatever happens, happens for a reason and for something good''
Take proper rest and try to maintain the peace in your mind..away from the battle of thoughts.
With love,
Your little sister
Sim!
Dust allergies are the worst; I hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteKeep writing!