Restlessness #10

I will speak of sadness today. Different from the one I mostly refer. Not related to longings and not related to any deception or any dream. Not the one mocking life. Directly.
This agony is associated with realizations. Moment when something clicks. It clicks as if that large curtain has lifted up that has been obstructing your view. You seemingly were unaware of its presence, so your vision was limited to that specific zone only. This curtain is drawn down the moment you're stuck in situations like back to back set backs and you search more eagerly for a way out of this horrible labyrinth. Every path you take, you're unsure of its end and every time you change your course you leave a piece of you behind. Like stuck in that particular zone forever.
It is like shattering to pieces bit by bit and then reassembling yourself to move on and then being shattered again. Every time you reassemble, you miss a piece of you. Very important ones, the parts of you that make you actually YOU, having entire essence of you, the dominant ones are lost first in some serious blows.
Through your life span, you undergo a constant process of evolving. Bringing out a newer version of you so that you my fill that gap.
So, I was reading my archives and many things I miss about myself include wide imagination. Being able to write about so many things. My thinking process is limited now, I think. It revolves around bitterness of life, treacherous world and facade I observe every now and then. In the beginning era of exposure to practicality I was stunned and my soul had thirst to meet someone's original side, I became more and more conscious about the raw personality I carried which wasn't perfect. I was real. Later I grew tired, my thirst was never quenched and I became used to of illusions of so called perfection and became a mirror. To give it all back.
So, I was speaking of my spectrum being limited. When I saw the beautiful world I once had, I was amazed at the beauty, simplicity and innocence. It was something that adorned my soul, my existence and my personality once, till silence, seriousness, gripped my existence.

Life has laid very heavy, harsh impacts on me. I am not sure how to recreate that world which existed in me once, how to unlock it as it is the only abode I like to own. I do not want this world, its land and luxuries. Just myself back, my beautiful imagination back...